| waymore drama |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|01:49 pm] |
|
i think i am getting an attraction for jshs ex will. the reaso why me and josh have been having problems. i think this attraction is turning into a crush. i dont want to tell josh, hed freak. bt if me and jshwerent together i think id be asking will out. it would be like a race to see who gets togther first with will lol. but how can feel something for someone else but josh. i want to marry josh. this is just wierd. i find myself wating to talk and hang out with will all the time. and i thought of him sexually today. whats wrong with me. but anywho i gota get ready josh is coming over soon so i gotta go and if this is josh i am sorry i feel this way. |
|
|
| a close one |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | zelda music | ] |
me and josh hung out with will last night at his friend annas house. we had a lot of fun and me and will, who is joshs ex everyone has heard about, and everything was goin so well. i knew josh was having a hard time about his feelings for Will and when i got home i was like josh whats goin on. and then he told me after a long holding him time that if he had to chose between me and will he was goin to chose will. i basically dragged this out of him when he was not ready to give me an answer so he broke up with me. i was soo devastated, he told me he thought he loved me but he really didnt that was the worse part. i mean i thought even though he loved will more that he still loved me. and he went home and i balled my eyes out. i fainted, and then my mom said that it was too late when my dad said why dont you call him and talk it out. i decided it wasnt to late. and i called him and we talked i asked him was he really sure and he said no and he never wanted to break up with me that i was pushing him too hard which i was. so then we decided i was goin to go over there, but before i did it i puked lots and lots s i went over and we tralked about it and we decided that we were hasty about this whole thing. and then we had great sex and then i went home. he didnt go to school today so i went over to his house and we worked things out. we are no longer engaged, but we are still exclusive. i hope this can all be worked out. so everyone gets the wants and needs they can live comfortably with. |
|
|
| i figured things out |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|01:30 pm] |
i am so depressed lately
i figured it out. why i have been soo depressed. i am not living life all i do is hang with josh, sit at home, and work. not much else. and with the late demolishing of my best friends relationships, i have nothing to do even more. my goal in life is to make people happy, and when i dont i go nutz. i used to be really suicidal and this is how i keep myself balance, but as of late i have givin that up and i focused on me. i have been selfish lately. people might say that i havent, but to me as a person who doesnt care what happens to me i have givin that all up and i am goin to be what i have to be again. i used to be the most caring guy about problems and i hope i still can be. i loved hearing people problems and then helping them solve it. it was seriously my life. and i used to love helping out my friend megan and my friend johnny and hugging my friend whitney, and laughing with my friend emalee, but they arent there anymoe and i am goin to try my damn harddest to get them back. i was an ass to many people lately and i am goin to make it up to everyone and if any of you ever need me then call me let me help you. i will be there for you. and for once i can be happy again. |
|
|
| george bush will loose |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|11:08 am] |
|
in texas they approved a ban on gay marriage becoming the 19th state to do so. i mean how can people be so hating of anyone to ban them out of the constition of thier own country. we have had a backlash against homosexuals, it doesnt feel like 2005 right now i feel like we are african americans in the year 1955. we are being excluded from our own country. a country that right now glbt people are being shot and killed in iraq and then kids getting beaten in our schools. wanna know what these bands are saying the parents of our youth, go out hunt down the gays and beat them up. how many of us have had the missfortune of being beaten up or discriminated against for who we are. how wrong is that. and i am just saying to those who are straight, except for those who support us, think of how it would be if you straight chils was getting beat up in school everyday some one would call him or her a fag or queer or dyke? how would you feel if a child came over to you bloody and beaten from the harrassment at school? i would feel awful if a straight kid did i would feel awful if an arab kid did, i would feel awful if a black, white asian, native american, latino, mexican, or african or gay lesbian transgendered, or anyone did. why cant some of them see this the way i do? all around the world people who are of glbt creed are being persicuted. over in egypt they are being jailed if not killed on the streets, i kenya the president is trying to make it a law if you are a homosexual then you get no less then five years in prison, i mean there are places that are even worse. and we are supposed to be the example for the world, yet we are almost as bad as they are. and i dont see the un on our side right now, yes we may not be getting openly slaughtered, but we are one group being outed and discrimnated openly by our own government. its getting to the point we are goin to have to wear pink triangles and live in ghettos around the world. you now the glbt community is the only kind of people i know that is openly discriminated against in ever country and provence, city town village, house in the entire world this happens. what we need to do is all ban together, lesbian gay straight republican and emocrats whit and black and asian and latino alike. we need to band together. we need to be like the late rosa parks and not give our seats up to the straights and fight back. we need to do what the great civil rights workers did in the 1950s and 1960s and have both a violent and peaceful movement. we need groups like the black panthers to show hey we mean business and almost strike fear into people but then we need to have a speaker like dr martin luther king jr who can raise up and have people follow him. we need to have peaceful protesta and then the violent ones to show that we arent goin to take it anymore. who are the civil rights leaders of the glbt community? do you know of any? i cant think of one strong overwhelming leader i can only think of people who support here and there in thier political and celeb lives. we need someone to come out and lead us. we lack it. we ned it. if we dont get it our movement cant stay alive. we need to get an e-mail list goin so we can stay connected across the us, we need to hav people on the doorsteps of the capitals, from st paul, to sacremento, to washington dc. being up in everyones face. at least 10% of the 400 million people who live here are glbt, which i belive is 40 million people who could stand up and fight and that doesnt even include our staright patrners in the war against sexual discrimination, who will stand up and fight for us? who will be there when the police fight us back? who would bleeb for the right to be able to love who we want to? who would fall in order to get up to show we are stronger and seriously pissed off and if you dont give us our rights we will be there in your face until you do? will it be you? |
|
|
| work |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|10:47 pm] |
November 08
i started my job
i started work today at payless shoe stores and i had a lot of fun it was awesome, i had to watch boring vids but i dealt with it, lol. but anywho after i got off of work i spent the rest of my day at joshs house, who if you dont know is my fiance, and he was at work of coarse so i just watched gilmore girls with his family. i had loads of fun. then me and josh, after he got off of work, came back here and just talked a bit and made out. i cant wait for next week when he only works three days, i of coarse work 4 days at my three jobs lol, but anywho alot of mine and joshs days we work coincide with each other so its not like we both dont have anything to do. i am excited though we are goin to have our 9 month on sunday way cool. but thats all so i hope to hear from some yall soon bye |
|
|
| josh did something |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|10:53 am] |
|
so yesterday i told josh how i feel about him coming over and using my comp to talk with will and how much it hurts me, he did something that i dont know how to take. he said he is goin to break off contact with will and only talk to him if will sends him an e-mail first. i didnt know how to react. i really didnt. i mean yes i would love for will to be out of the picture but at the same time i want things to get fixed. i am a walking contradiction, as josh tells me. i feel right now that i am being controling over josh and it sucks. the world spun around me last night and ten thousand emotions flooded over me. what do i do? i am lost in a sea of emotions and drama, when one dramatic event ends another one begins. its sad. its dramatic lol. but anywho on a lighter note i do start mt new job today. i work at payless woo woo! i start at 2 till 6 not a long day just a quik one so i get into the routine. i am excited! so i will take my leave of you got some other stuff to check and i will ttyl later |
|
|
| me and josh |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|12:33 pm] |
|
me and josh are goin thrugh some trouble. he has his ex will who was his first love back in his life and he may or may not be in love with him. i dont know how i should handel this, josh tells me that he only loves me but when anything about will comes up the emotions shift very quickly to him loving will again, and i trust josh would never cheat on me but i really cant at the same time what am i supposed to do? do i trust josh eventhough theres that chance he might leave me or cheat on me or do i stay? |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
painterboi04's journal